And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
