She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
