I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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