My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
