FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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