Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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