I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize