She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
