I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize