He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
