Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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