No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm sobbing to NWA
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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