you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my shit smells like andre
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
