i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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