Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
