my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
