You just made me feel so damn special
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
