Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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