We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
