I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize