But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
