did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
