he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
