His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
smell my finger.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
