drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
