genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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