Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
