I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
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