I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize