so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize