just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
