Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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