apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize