She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
