and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
