can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Randomize
