Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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