Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
