Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is Oprah even human
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
