Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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