idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
