I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize