How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
