im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
