the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
