there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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