Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
