I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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