You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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