matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
