oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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