just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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