I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
