if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
