I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
