there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
