Just fell off a train. Bad.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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