Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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