i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
