Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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