I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
