I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize