i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
