I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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