she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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