i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i need some magic done to my vagina
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
