I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
