I like to think it a success when the cops are called
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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