And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize