I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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