Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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