You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
