It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
