are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
FUCK WHALES
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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