How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just threw up on my dentist
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
