My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize