You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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