Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
