She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
