Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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