You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
