Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize